will not interrupt what you are doing.Explains all the keys and modes of the Silver Casio calculators. Covers integration, differentiation, summations, changing bases, solving polynomials, solving simultaneous equations, matrix operations, statistical functions and complex number operations.
M Quinn
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
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M Quinn
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
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M Quinn
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
Mining Away I don't know what to mine I'll mine this anyway In this minecraft day So beautiful And further down What's that I found? Mine Diamonds Mine Diamonds I'll mine them So far I've got two Too easy to mine With my minecraft pickaxe And shovels Hopefully they stay In my minecraft chests So I'm gonna make A lock on it Mine Diamonds Mine Diamonds I mine them So far I've got two All these diamonds Sitting carefully lay I'm getting worried If they might get stolen From my ender chest Wait who is that? Holy sheep it's Notch Mine Diamonds Mine Diamonds Now they're safe Now Now that they're safe Mine Diamonds Mine Diamonds
M Quinn
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
OPEN ON: ICE. We're underwater looking up at it. A saw cuts through, heading right for us. EXT. SNOW-CAPPED MOUNTAINS -- DUSK ICE HARVESTERS, dressed in traditional Sami clothing, score a frozen lake. They SING. "The Frozen Heart (Ice Worker's Song)" ICE HARVESTERS BORN OF COLD AND WINTER AIR AND MOUNTAIN RAIN COMBINING, THIS ICY FORCE BOTH FOUL AND FAIR HAS A FROZEN HEART WORTH MINING. The men drag giant ice blocks through channels of water. ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) CUT THROUGH THE HEART, COLD AND CLEAR. STRIKE FOR LOVE AND STRIKE FOR FEAR. SEE THE BEAUTY SHARP AND SHEER. SPLIT THE ICE APART! AND BREAK THE FROZEN HEART. Hup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go! A young Sami boy, KRISTOFF (8), and his reindeer calf, SVEN, share a carrot as they try to keep up with the men. ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) Hup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go! Young Kristoff struggles to get a block of ice out of the water. He fails, ends up soaked. Sven licks his wet cheek. ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) BEAUTIFUL! POWERFUL! DANGEROUS! COLD! ICE HAS A MAGIC CAN'T BE CONTROLLED. A sharp ice floe overtakes the workers, threateningly. They fight it back. ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) STRONGER THAN ONE, STRONGER THAN TEN STRONGER THAN A HUNDRED MEN! Massive fjord horses drag heavy ice plows. 2 FROZEN - J. Lee ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) BORN OF COLD AND WINTER AIR AND MOUNTAIN RAIN COMBINING The sun sets. Lanterns are lit. ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) THIS ICY FORCE BOTH FOUL AND FAIR HAS A FROZEN HEART WORTH MINING. CUT THROUGH THE HEART, COLD AND CLEAR. In the dark, Kristoff and Sven finally manage to get a single block of ice out of the water. ICE HARVESTERS (CONT'D) STRIKE FOR LOVE AND STRIKE FOR FEAR. THERE'S BEAUTY AND THERE'S DANGER HERE. SPLIT THE ICE APART! BEWARE THE FROZEN HEART. The workers pile onto the giant horse-drawn ice sled as it pulls away. Left behind, Kristoff and Sven push their ice block onto a dinky little sled then head off. We sweep up from them to the Northern Lights filling the sky...then move across the mountains...beneath the snowline...and descend upon... EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE -- NIGHT A humble castle, built of wood, nestled in a deep fjord. INT. CASTLE, NURSERY -- NIGHT ELSA (8) sleeps in her bed. Her little sister ANNA (5) pops up beside her. YOUNG ANNA Elsa. Psst. Elsa! Psst. Elsa doesn't stir. Anna sits on Elsa and bounces. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. YOUNG ELSA (grumbling) Anna, go back to sleep. Anna rolls onto her back and spreads all her weight on Elsa. 3 FROZEN - J. Lee YOUNG ANNA (drama queen-ish) I just can't. The sky's awake, so I'm awake, so we have to play. YOUNG ELSA ...Go play by yourself. Elsa shoves Anna off the bed. Anna lands butt to floor, sighs, defeated. But then she gets an idea. She hops back on the bed and lifts one of Elsa's eyelids. YOUNG ANNA (mischievously) Do you want to build a snowman? Elsa's eyes both pop open. She smiles. INT. CASTLE STAIRCASE -- NIGHT Anna, now wearing snow boots, pulls Elsa by the hand. YOUNG ANNA Come on, come on, come on, come on. Elsa tries to shush her, but Anna's too excited. INT. BALLROOM -- NIGHT The girls sneak into the ballroom. Elsa shuts the door. YOUNG ANNA Do the magic! Do the magic! Elsa laughs and waves her hands together. Snowflakes suddenly burst forth and dance between her palms, forming a snowball. Elsa throws the snowball high into the air. Snow bursts out and flurries around the room. Anna dances about, catching flakes in her palms and mouth. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) This is amazing! YOUNG ELSA Watch this! Elsa stomps her little slippered foot and a layer of ice suddenly coats the floor, forming a giant ice rink. Anna slides off, laughing. 4 FROZEN - J. Lee PLAY MONTAGE: -Anna and Elsa roll giant snowballs and build a snowman together. Elsa moves his stick arms around. YOUNG ELSA (CONT'D) (goofy voice) Hi, I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs. Anna jumps up and hugs him. YOUNG ANNA I love you, Olaf. -Anna and Olaf appear to be dancing. REVEAL: Elsa is actually propelling them across the ice floor with her magic. -The girls slide down snowbanks together! -Anna fearlessly jumps off a snow peak into mid air. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) Catch me! Elsa makes another peak to catch Anna. YOUNG ELSA Gotcha! Anna keeps jumping. Elsa keeps casting magic. YOUNG ANNA (jumping faster) Again! Again! YOUNG ELSA (struggling to keep up) Slow down! Elsa suddenly slips. Her magic accidentally STRIKES Anna in the head. Anna tumbles down a snowbank and lands, unconscious. YOUNG ELSA (CONT'D) ANNA! Elsa runs to Anna and takes her in her arms. A streak of Anna's hair, where struck, turns white. YOUNG ELSA (CONT'D) MAMA! PAPA! The room around them fills with frightening ice spikes. 5 FROZEN - J. Lee The parents burst through the frozen door. GASP at the sight of the room. KING Elsa, what have you done? This is getting out of hand! QUEEN (seeing Anna) Anna! The King and Queen rush to Anna and take her in their arms. ELSA It was an accident. I'm sorry, Anna. QUEEN (about Anna) She's ice cold. KING ...I know where we have to go. SLAM CUT TO: INT. DARK ROOM -- NIGHT The King sifts through a shelf to find an ancient book inscribed with Old Norse runes. He opens the book, scrambles to a page with an ancient map. EXT. ARENDELLE -- NIGHT Carrying the girls, the King and Queen ride their horses out of the kingdom. Snow streams from Elsa's hands, leaving a trail of ice behind them. EXT. FJORD MOUNTAIN FOREST -- NIGHT A sleepy Kristoff and Sven travel alone through the dark woods. All of a sudden, the King and Queen race by with the girls, leaving the wake of ice. KRISTOFF Ice? SLAM CUT TO: 6 FROZEN - J. Lee EXT. BLACK MOUNTAINS -- NIGHT Kristoff rides Sven as they follow the trail of ice. YOUNG KRISTOFF Faster, Sven! EXT. THE VALLEY OF THE LIVING ROCK -- NIGHT Kristoff hops off Sven at the edge of a deep valley. They hide behind a rock and peek out. Down below, the King holds a frightened Elsa. The Queen holds the still unconscious Anna. KING Please, help. My daughter! Suddenly, a bunch of rocks tumble down the valley toward them. It looks as though they'll be crushed! But, luckily, the rocks stop at their feet. The rocks then unfold, revealing bright faces. YOUNG KRISTOFF Trolls...? The rock in front of Kristoff "wakes up." Meet BULDA. BULDA Shush. I'm trying to listen. She grabs Kristoff and Sven by hand and hoof and hugs them close. Sven licks her face and she eyes them both. BULDA (CONT'D) Cuties. I'm gonna keep you. Back below, the crowd parts for a troll as old as the Earth. They call him GRAND PABBIE. He approaches arthritically, but determined. He nods respectfully to the king. GRAND PABBIE Your Majesty. (referring to Elsa) Born with the powers or cursed? KING Born. And they're getting stronger. Grand Pabbie motions for the Queen to bring Anna to him. She does. He examines her. 7 FROZEN - J. Lee GRAND PABBIE (about Anna) You are lucky it wasn't her heart. The heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded. KING Do what you must. GRAND PABBIE I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic to be safe.... But don't worry, I'll leave the fun. Grand Pabbie pulls out a glowing blue energy from Anna's head. We see her memories floating right above her. Grand Pabbie changes all of her magical memories to ordinary memories -- snowy play indoors with the girls in their nightgowns changes to outdoors on the winter fjords with the girls in winter gear. He puts the ordinary memories back in her head. GRAND PABBIE (CONT'D) She will be okay. YOUNG ELSA But she won't remember I have powers? KING It's for the best. PABBIE Listen to me, Elsa, your power will only grow. As he speaks, he conducts the Northern Lights to show a silhouette of an adult Elsa creating magical snowflakes. PABBIE (CONT'D) There is beauty in your magic.... But also great danger. The snowflakes turn to sharp spikes. PABBIE (O.S.) (CONT'D) You must learn to control it. In the Northern Lights display, the sharp spikes cause human figures to panic and attack Elsa. PABBIE (CONT'D) Fear will be your enemy. 8 FROZEN - J. Lee Elsa gasps and buries her face in the King's chest. The King wraps his arms around Elsa, protectively. KING No. We'll protect her. She can learn to control it. I'm sure. Over the King's words we... DISSOLVE TO: -The Arendelle castle gates shutting. KING (O.S.) (CONT'D) Until then, we'll lock the gates. We'll reduce the staff. We will limit her contact with people and keep her powers hidden from everyone... including Anna. -The castle shutters close. -Anna sits on her bed as Elsa's furniture disappears. -Anna rushes to the hall to see Elsa shut the door to her new room. Anna watches, confused and sad. DISSOLVE TO: INT. CASTLE WINDOW -- DAY We look out on a gentle snowfall. Little Anna skips up to the window. She lights up at the sight of the snow and rushes down the hall. INT. HALLWAY, ELSA'S DOOR -- DAY Anna knocks on Elsa's door and SINGS. "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" YOUNG ANNA DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN? COME ON LET'S GO AND PLAY. Anna peeks under the door. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) I NEVER SEE YOU ANYMORE. COME OUT THE DOOR. IT'S LIKE YOU'VE GONE AWAY. 9 FROZEN - J. Lee -INT. ANNA'S ROOM -- Anna plays with two dolls, gives up, sad. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) WE USED TO BE BEST BUDDIES AND NOW WE'RE NOT. I WISH YOU WOULD TELL ME WHY. -ELSA'S DOOR. Anna peeks through the key hole. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN? -Anna calls through the keyhole. YOUNG ANNA (CONT'D) IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A SNOWMAN. YOUNG ELSA (O.S.) Go away, Anna. YOUNG ANNA (hearbroken) ...OKAY BYE. -BEHIND THE DOOR -- DAY. Elsa sits at the window looking out, longingly. Suddenly, her icy hands freeze the windowsill. -LATER. The King slips leather gloves onto Elsa's hands. KING The gloves will help. He pats her gloved hand. KING (CONT'D) See? You're good.... (starting their mantra) Conceal it. YOUNG ELSA Don't feel it. YOUNG ELSA & KING Don't let it show. -INT. HALLWAY, ELSA'S DOOR -- DAY. Anna, now 9, knocks on Elsa's door. ANNA (9) DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN? -INT. HALLWAY -- DAY. Alone, Anna rides a bicycle built for two in the hall by standing on the back seat. 10 FROZEN - J. Lee ANNA (9) (CONT'D) OR RIDE OUR BIKE AROUND THE HALL? I THINK SOME COMPANY IS OVERDUE... -INT. PORTRAIT ROOM -- DAY. Anna runs around the portrait room, gaining momentum to flip over the arm of the couch. ANNA (9) (CONT'D) I'VE STARTED TALKING TO THE PICTURES ON THE WALLS. Anna lands PLOP on the cushions, then looks up at the painting above her of the courageous Joan of Arc. ANNA (9) (CONT'D) Hang in there, Joan. -INT. EMPTY LIBRARY -- DAY. Looks like no one's around. ANNA (9) (CONT'D) IT GETS A LITTLE LONELY ALL THESE EMPTY ROOMS. But then we find Anna, laying at the base of the grandfather clock, playing with her braids, bored out of her mind. ANNA (9) (CONT'D) JUST WATCHING THE HOURS TICK BY. Anna's eyes follow the grandfather clock's pendulum. ANNA (9) (CONT'D) TICK TOCK. TICK TOCK. TICK TOCK. -INT. ELSA'S ROOM -- NIGHT. Elsa (now 12) paces as she panics. The entire wall is frozen behind her. ELSA (12) I'm scared. It's getting stronger. KING Getting upset only makes it worse. The King goes to hug her. ELSA (12) No. Don't touch me. I don't want to hurt you. He and the Queen look at each other with alarmed sadness. -INT. LIBRARY -- DAY. Anna, now a teenager, slides past Elsa's room without stopping. 11 FROZEN - J. Lee -INT. KING AND QUEEN'S QUARTERS -- DAY. Anna runs into the room and throws herself into her parents' arms. TEEN ANNA See you in two weeks. -INT. ELSA'S ROOM -- DAY. Elsa curtsies in front of her parents, formally, not touching them. TEEN ELSA Do you have to go? KING You'll be fine, Elsa. -EXT. DOCKS -- DAY. The King and Queen leave on a ship. -EXT. ROUGH SEAS -- NIGHT. Lightning flashes. The sea rages in a storm. The King and Queen's ship is lost in the waves. -INT. CASTLE -- DAY. A portrait of the King and Queen is covered in mourning cloth. -EXT. CEMETERY -- DAY. Anna looks small, standing before her people, beside burial stones. -INT. HALLWAY, ELSA'S DOOR. Anna, still in her mourning clothes, approaches and knocks. ANNA (singing) Elsa? PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE PEOPLE ARE ASKING WHERE YOU'VE BEEN THEY SAY HAVE COURAGE AND I'M TRYING TO I'M RIGHT OUT HERE FOR YOU. PLEASE LET ME IN. Anna slides down the door and sits with her head against it. ANNA (CONT'D) WE ONLY HAVE EACH OTHER. IT'S JUST YOU AND ME. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? (weak, internal) DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN? We move through the door... -INT. ELSA'S ROOM -- DAY. Elsa is sitting in the exact same pose as Anna. Her bedroom is frozen with ice. Snowflakes hang in the air, suspended by grief. FADE OUT. 12 FROZEN - J. Lee EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE -- MORNING A new dawn rises over the fjords. Ships pull up to the docks. Guests pile out. DOCK MASTER Welcome to Arendelle! A BOY tries to get away as his MOTHER tries to stuff him in his bunad jacket. BOY Why do I have to wear this? MOTHER Because the Queen has come of age. It's Coronation Day! BOY That's not my fault. They pass the May Pole being raised and a Sami ice harvester chatting with his reindeer. We recognize them as Kristoff and Sven, all grown up. Sven hops around excitedly like a dog and nuzzles Kristoff's chest. KRISTOFF What do you want, Sven? Kristoff leans in and speaks for Sven, as if he can. KRISTOFF (AS SVEN) (CONT'D) Give me a snack. KRISTOFF (CONT'D) What's the magic word? KRISTOFF (AS SVEN) (CONT'D) Please! Kristoff pulls a carrot out of his shirt pocket and hands it to Sven. Sven tries to bite the whole thing. KRISTOFF (CONT'D) Hey, hey, hey! Share! Sven takes a smaller bite. Kristoff then has a bite himself, not seeming to care that it's covered in reindeer slobber. We move on to PERSI and AGGIE, a super-excited couple who rush towards the castle. 13 FROZEN - J. Lee PERSI I can't believe they're finally opening up the gates! AGGIE And for a whole day! Faster, Persi! They pass a tiny but menacing DUKE, who wears taps on his shoes to "enhance" his presence. Two THUG guards follow close behind him. DUKE Ah, Arendelle, our most mysterious trade partner. Open those gates so I may unlock your secrets and exploit your riches. (catching himself) ...Did I just say that out loud? We leave him and head down the bridge towards the castle gates, passing an Irishman and a Spanish Dignitary. IRISHMAN Oh, me sore eyes can't wait to see the Queen and the Princess. I bet they're absolutely lovely. SPANISH DIGNITARY I bet they are beautiful. We move past them, to a particular castle window. CUT TO: INT. CASTLE, ANNA'S BEDROOM -- DAY Anna, 18, snores. Drools. KNOCK. KNOCK. KAI (O.S.) Princess Anna...? Anna sits up. She's got major bedhead. She coughs. Snorts. Pulls a hair from her mouth. ANNA ...Huh? Yeah? KAI (O.S.) Sorry to wake you, ma'am but-- ANNA No, you didn't. I've been up for hours. 14 FROZEN - J. Lee She falls back asleep while sitting. She snores. Her head drops, startling her awake. ANNA (CONT'D) Who is it? KAI (O.S.) It's still me, ma'am. Time to get ready. ANNA Ready for what? KAI (O.S.) Your sister's coronation, ma'am. ANNA My sister's cor-neration... One eye opens enough to catch sight of her coronation dress. She bolts, wide awake in excitement. ANNA (CONT'D) Coronation Day! Ha ha! SLAM CUT TO: EXT. CASTLE HALL -- DAY Anna bursts out of her room, wearing her coronation dress. She finishes pinning ribbons in her hair. Seeing the hustle and bustle of preparations, she can't help but SING. "For the First Time in Forever" ANNA THE WINDOW IS OPEN! SO'S THAT DOOR! I DIDN'T KNOW THEY DID THAT ANYMORE. WHO KNEW WE OWNED 8000 SALAD PLATES...? -Anna slides along the floor of the ballroom in her socks. ANNA (CONT'D) FOR YEARS I HAVE ROAMED THESE EMPTY HALLS WHY HAVE A BALLROOM WITH NO BALLS? FINALLY, THEY'RE OPENING UP THE GATES! -She shakes hands with a suit of armor. Breaks it. Hides the evidence. 15 FROZEN - J. Lee ANNA (CONT'D) THERE'LL BE REAL, ACTUAL PEOPLE - IT'LL BE TOTALLY STRANGE. BUT WOW AM I SO READY FOR THIS CHANGE! -Anna comes to a window and jumps out onto a window washer's pulley. She raises herself up to see the ships arriving. ANNA (CONT'D) FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, THERE'LL BE MUSIC, THERE'LL BE LIGHT. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, I'LL BE DANCING THROUGH THE NIGHT. -Anna walks through the garden and follows a family of geese. ANNA (CONT'D) DON'T KNOW IF I'M ELATED OR GASSY, BUT I'M SOMEWHERE IN THAT ZONE 'CAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, I WON'T BE ALONE. (speaking) I can't wait to meet everyone.... (GASP) What if I meet THE ONE? -Anna twists herself in a velvet drape like it's a gown. She acts like she looks gorgeous, but she looks ridiculous. ANNA (CONT'D) TONIGHT, IMAGINE ME GOWN AND ALL- FETCHINGLY DRAPED AGAINST THE WALL. THE PICTURE OF SOPHISTICATED GRACE. -She notices the bust of a man across the room. ANNA (CONT'D) (google-eyed) I SUDDENLY SEE HIM STANDING THERE, A BEAUTIFUL STRANGER TALL AND FAIR. (mouth full of chocolate) I WANNA STUFF SOME CHOCOLATE IN MY FACE! -She grabs the bust of the man and swings it around. ANNA (CONT'D) BUT THEN WE LAUGH AND TALK ALL EVENING, WHICH IS TOTALLY BIZARRE. NOTHING LIKE THE LIFE I'VE LED SO FAR. The bust goes flying and lands on the top of the cake. -Anna bursts into the portrait room, bounces on the furniture, and interacts with the paintings. 16 FROZEN - J. Lee ANNA (CONT'D) FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, THERE'LL BE MAGIC, THERE'LL BE FUN. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, I COULD BE NOTICED BY SOMEONE. AND I KNOW IT IS TOTALLY CRAZY TO DREAM I'D FIND ROMANCE. BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER, AT LEAST I'VE GOT A CHANCE! -INT. LIBRARY. ELSA, now a very poised 21, watches out the window as the coronation guests arrive. ELSA DON'T LET THEM IN. DON'T LET THEM SEE. BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE. Elsa moves to a painting of her father's coronation. She takes off her gloves and mimics the painting by holding a candlestick and ornament in place of an orb and scepter. ELSA (CONT'D) CONCEAL. DON'T FEEL. PUT ON A SHOW. MAKE ONE WRONG MOVE AND EVERYONE WILL KNOW. The candlestick and ornament ice over. Elsa gasps, slams them back down onto the table. She tries to reassure herself. ELSA (CONT'D) BUT IT'S ONLY FOR TODAY. We cut between Anna's excitement and Elsa's nerves. ANNA IT'S ONLY FOR TODAY! ELSA IT'S AGONY TO WAIT. ANNA IT'S AGONY TO WAIT!!! ELSA TELL THE GUARDS TO OPEN UP THE GATE. ANNA THE GATE!!! -Finally, the gates are open! Anna moves through the crowd, admiring the people around her. 17 FROZEN - J. Lee ANNA (CONT'D) ELSA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN DON'T LET THEM IN FOREVER. DON'T LET THEM SEE ANNA ELSA I'M GETTING WHAT I'M DREAMING BE THE GOOD GIRL OF YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ANNA ELSA A CHANCE TO LEAVE MY SISTER'S CONCEAL. WORLD CONCEAL. DON'T FEEL. A CHANCE TO FIND TRUE LOVE DON'T LET THEM KNOW. -Anna hurries over the bridge and into the village square. ANNA (CONT'D) I KNOW IT ALL ENDS TOMORROW, SO IT HAS TO BE TODAY!! `CAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER. . . FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER! NOTHING'S IN MY WAY!!! -Anna SLAMS right into the breast of a HORSE! She falls back and lands in a small wooden boat. It tips off of the dock. She's heading overboard. But just then, the horse slams his hoof into the boat and steadies it. ANNA (CONT'D) (frustrated) Hey! HANS I'm so sorry. Are you hurt? The rider, HANS, sure is handsome and regal. ANNA (gentler) Hey. I-ya, no. No. I'm okay. HANS Are you sure? ANNA Yeah, I just wasn't looking where I was going. But I'm okay. He hops down from his horse and steps into the boat. ANNA (CONT'D) I'm great, actually. 18 FROZEN - J. Lee HANS Oh, thank goodness. He offers her a hand and their eyes meet. Chemistry. He helps her to her feet. HANS (CONT'D) (bowing) Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. ANNA (curtseying) Princess Anna of Arendelle. HANS Princess...? My Lady. He drops to his knees, head bowed. The horse bows too, curling his hoof up and out of the boat. The boat tips. Hans tumbles on top of Anna. Awkward. ANNA Hi...again. The horse slams his foot back into the boat to stabilize it. Anna and Hans tumble the other way. Anna lands on top of him. HANS Oh boy. ANNA Ha. This is awkward. Not you're awkward, but just because we're-- I'm awkward. You're gorgeous. (did she just say that?) Wait, what? Hans quickly gets to his feet and helps Anna up again. HANS I'd like to formally apologize for hitting the Princess of Arendelle with my horse...and for every moment after. ANNA No. No-no. It's fine. I'm not THAT Princess. I mean, if you'd hit my sister Elsa, that would be-- yeash! `Cuz, you know... (patting the horse) Hello. (MORE) 19 FROZEN - J. Lee ANNA (CONT'D) (to Hans) But, lucky you, it's-it's just me. HANS Just you? Hans smiles, amused. She smiles back. The bells RING. She doesn't notice at first; she's too busy drinking in Hans's handsomeness. ANNA ...The bells. The coronation. I-I-I better go. I have to...I better go. She hurries off, stops, turns back. Gives Hans a little wave. ANNA (CONT'D) Bye! As she rushes off again, Hans waves back. The horse waves too, once again taking his hoof out of the boat. HANS Oh no. The boat falls, with Hans in it. SPLASH! It lands upside down in the water. Hans raises it up off of him, gasping for air. CUT TO: INT. CHURCH CHAPEL -- DAY Elsa stands at the alter. Anna stands off to one side. She peeks out to the audience. Hans waves at her from the pews. He's changed his clothes. The crown is placed on Elsa's head. The scepter and orb are presented to Elsa on a pillow. She slowly reaches for them. BISHOP (a whisper) Your Majesty, the gloves. Elsa hesitates. She breathes nervously, removes her gloves, places them on the pillow. Her hands shake. She takes the orb and scepter, then turns to the people. BISHOP (CONT'D) (formal, in Old Norse) Sehm hon HELL-drr IN-um HELL-gum AYG-num ok krund ee THES-um HELL- gah STAHTH, ehk teh frahm FUR-ear U- thear... 20 FROZEN - J. Lee The scepter and orb start to freeze over. BISHOP (CONT'D) ...Queen Elsa of Arendelle. CROWD Queen Elsa of Arendelle. Just in time. Elsa manages to set the orb and scepter back down on the pillow before anyone notices the ice. She picks up her gloves and slips them on. She made it. CUT TO: INT. GREAT HALL -- NIGHT Springy music fills the Great Hall. Guests dance. Eat. Laugh. TRUMPETS SOUND. KAI (announcing) Queen Elsa of Arendelle. Elsa enters, poised and looking surprisingly content. She stands under a formal awning. KAI (CONT'D) Princess Anna of Arendelle! Anna runs into the room, waves awkwardly. Kai ushers her over to stand right next to Elsa. ANNA Here? Are you sure? She and Elsa sneak awkward peeks at each other. ELSA ...Hi. ANNA Hi me...? Oh. Um. Hi. ELSA ...You look beautiful. ANNA Thank you. You look beautifuller. I mean, not fuller. You don't look fuller, but more beautiful. 21 FROZEN - J. Lee ELSA Thank you. They look out at the celebration. ELSA (CONT'D) So, this is what a party looks like? ANNA It's warmer than I thought. ELSA And what is that amazing smell? They both close their eyes and inhale. ANNA AND ELSA (TOGETHER) ...Chocolate. Their eyes pop open. They laugh. Elsa looks back out at the party. Anna looks at Elsa. She wants to say so much, but she can't think of where to start. Just as she finds her way, Kai interrupts. KAI Your Majesty. The Duke of Weaseltown. DUKE Weselton. The Duke of Weselton. (to Elsa) Your Majesty, as your closest partner in trade, it seems only fitting that I offer you your first dance as queen. The Duke does a funny flitter of his feet, a hitch-kick, and a deep bow. DUKE (CONT'D) (whispers to himself) One, two, three. Jump. As he holds out his hand, head down, his toupee dips forward. Anna giggles. Elsa looks at Anna, stifles a giggle herself. ELSA (to the Duke) Thank you...only I don't dance. 22 FROZEN - J. Lee DUKE (offended) Oh...? ELSA But my sister does. ANNA What? DUKE Lucky you.... ANNA Oh, I don't think-- The Duke grabs Anna's arm and yanks her away before she can protest. DUKE If you swoon, let me know, I'll catch you. Anna looks back at Elsa, desperately. ELSA Sorry. OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR: The Duke showboats, but he's just awful. Anna tries to make the best of it. DUKE Like an agile peacock... CLUCK- CLUGGLE-CLUCK! He lands on her feet. ANNA Ow. Ow. DUKE Speaking of, so great to have the gates open. Why did they shut them in the first place? Do you know the reason? Hmm? He gets in her face, suspicious. ANNA ...No. 23 FROZEN - J. Lee DUKE Oh, all right. Hang on. They don't call me the little dipper for nothing. He dips Anna back. Elsa peeks through the crowd, can barely hold in her laughter. Anna shoots Elsa funny, help-me looks. DUKE (CONT'D) (groove fully on) Like a chicken...with the face of a monkey...I fly. JUMP CUT TO: MOMENTS LATER... Anna limps back to Elsa. DUKE (O.S.) Let me know when you're ready for another round, M'Lady. ELSA Well, he was sprightly. ANNA (rubbing her sore feet) Especially for a man in heels. ELSA Are you okay? ANNA (loving Elsa's attention) I've never been better. This is so nice. I wish it could be like this all the time. ELSA (sincere) Me too.... But then Elsa catches herself. She stiffens up, looks away. ELSA (CONT'D) But it can't. ANNA Why not? If-- ELSA It just can't. 24 FROZEN - J. Lee Anna's smile drops. She tries not to get emotional. ANNA Excuse me for a minute. She walks away. Elsa watches her go, saddened. Moving through the crowd, Anna gets bumped by a bowing man's butt. She falls. Just before she hits the floor, Hans catches her. He smiles perfectly. HANS Glad I caught you. ANNA Hans. He smoothly sets his drink down on a passing tray. He lifts her up and leads her in a romantic dance. DISSOLVE TO: LATER: Anna and Hans drink and chat. ANNA (CONT'D) I often had the whole parlor to myself to slide... Oops. Sorry. She hits him in the face by mistake with her hand. He laughs. DISSOLVE TO: -THE CASTLE DOORS: Anna and Hans stroll out of the castle. ANNA (CONT'D) ...Your physique helps I'm sure. DISSOLVE TO: -THE ROSE GARDEN... Hans notices her white streak. HANS (about her white streak) What's this? ANNA I was born with it, although I dreamt I was kissed by a troll. HANS I like it. DISSOLVE TO: 25 FROZEN - J. Lee EXT. BALCONY -- NIGHT Anna teaches Hans how to eat krumkake. ANNA Yeah, the whole thing! You got it. They laugh as the krumkake crumbles in his face. ANNA(CONT'D) Okay wait, wait. So you have how many brothers? HANS Twelve older brothers. Three of them pretended I was invisible... literally...for two years. ANNA That's horrible. HANS It's what brothers do. ANNA ...And sisters. Elsa and I were really close when we were little. But then, one day she just shut me out, and I never knew why. He takes her hand. Leans in close. HANS I would never shut you out. ANNA Okay, can I just say something crazy? HANS I love crazy. "Love is an Open Door" ANNA (singing) ALL MY LIFE HAS BEEN A SERIES OF DOORS IN MY FACE. AND THEN SUDDENLY I BUMP INTO YOU. HANS I was thinking the same thing, because like. . . (MORE) 26 FROZEN - J. Lee HANS (CONT'D) I'VE BEEN SEARCHING MY WHOLE LIFE TO FIND MY OWN PLACE. AND MAYBE IT'S THE PARTY TALKING, OR THE CHOCOLATE FONDUE. ANNA BUT WITH YOU- HANS BUT WITH YOU, I FOUND MY PLACE. ANNA I SEE YOUR FACE. BOTH AND IT'S NOTHING LIKE I'VE EVER KNOWN BEFORE. They jump to the neighboring balcony and enter a door. They come out on top of one of the castle's towers. BOTH (CONT'D) LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR! LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR! Cut to them sliding across an empty hallway in their socks. BOTH (CONT'D) LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR ANNA WITH YOU! HANS WITH YOU! ANNA WITH YOU! HANS WITH YOU! BOTH LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR. They hop up on the castle roof and watch a shooting star. HANS I MEAN IT'S CRAZY. ANNA What? 27 FROZEN - J. Lee HANS WE FINISH EACH OTHER'S- ANNA SANDWICHES! HANS That's what I was gonna say! They slide down the back of the roof out of sight. We next find them strutting on a bridge ledge. ANNA I'VE NEVER MET SOMEONE- BOTH WHO THINKS SO MUCH LIKE ME. BOTH (SPOKEN) (CONT'D) Jinx.. . .jinx again. Are they doing the robot? No. They're imitating the mechanical figures on the clock tower. BOTH (CONT'D) OUR MENTAL SYNCHRONIZATION CAN HAVE BUT ONE EXPLANATION, HANS YOU- ANNA AND I- HANS WERE- ANNA JUST- BOTH MEANT TO BE. Anna and Hans dance on top of the lighthouse and cast dancing shadows across the sails of ships in the docks. ANNA SAY GOODBYE- HANS SAY GOODBYE- 28 FROZEN - J. Lee BOTH TO THE PAIN OF THE PAST. BOTH (CONT'D) WE DON'T HAVE TO FEEL IT ANYMORE! LOVE IS AN OPEN- They play hide and seek amongst the stable doors. BOTH (CONT'D) DOOR! LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR! They climb to the waterfall looking out over the kingdom. Anna raises up her hands to frame the moon. Hans puts his hands on top of hers. Together their hands form a heart. BOTH (CONT'D) LIFE CAN BE SO MUCH MORE- ANNA WITH YOU! HANS WITH YOU! ANNA WITH YOU! HANS WITH YOU! BOTH LOVE IS AN OPEN HANS DOOR. ANNA DOOR. HANS Can I say something crazy...? Will you marry me? ANNA Can I just say something even crazier? Yes. CUT TO: 29 FROZEN - J. Lee INT. BALL -- NIGHT Anna pushes through the crowd towards Elsa, Hans in tow. ANNA Oops! Pardon. Sorry. Can we just get around you there? Thank you. Oh, there she is. Elsa! Elsa turns to Anna. Anna curtseys awkwardly. ANNA (CONT'D) I mean...Queen.... Me again. Um. May I present Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. HANS (bowing) Your Majesty. Elsa gives a polite but reserved curtsey. ANNA We would like-- HANS --your blessing-- ANNA --of-- ANNA/HANS --our marriage! ELSA Marriage...? ANNA Yes! ELSA I'm sorry, I'm confused. ANNA Well, we haven't worked out all the details ourselves. We'll need a few days to plan the ceremony. Of course we'll have soup, roast, and ice cream and then-- Wait. Would we live here? ELSA Here? 30 FROZEN - J. Lee HANS Absolutely! ELSA Anna-- ANNA Oh, we can invite all twelve of your brothers to stay with us-- ELSA What? No, no, no, no, no. ANNA Of course we have the room. I don't know. Some of them must-- ELSA Wait. Slow down. No one's brothers are staying here. No one is getting married. ANNA Wait, what? ELSA May I talk to you, please. Alone. Anna sees Hans's worried face. Hooks arms with him. ANNA No. Whatever you have to say, you- you can say to both of us. ELSA Fine. You can't marry a man you just met. ANNA You can if it's true love. ELSA Anna, what do you know about true love? ANNA More than you. All you know is how to shut people out. ELSA You asked for my blessing, but my answer is no. Now, excuse me. 31 FROZEN - J. Lee HANS Your Majesty, if I may ease your-- ELSA (flustered) No, you may not. And I-I think you should go. Elsa walks away. As she passes the Royal Handler-- ELSA (CONT'D) The party is over. Close the gates. ANNA What? Elsa, no. No, wait! Anna grabs Elsa's hand. She pulls off Elsa's glove. Elsa gasps, spins around and reaches for the glove in panic. ELSA Give me my glove! Anna holds the glove away from Elsa. ANNA (desperate) Elsa, please. Please. I can't live like this anymore. Elsa fights tears. ELSA (weak) ...Then leave. Elsa sees Anna's hurt face. It's too much. She can't hold it in. She turns and rushes away. ANNA (heartbroken) ...What did I ever do to you?! The party goes silent as everyone watches the sisters. ELSA Enough, Anna. ANNA No. Why? Why do you shut me out?! Why do you shut the world out?! What are you so afraid of?! ELSA I said, enough! 32 FROZEN - J. Lee Ice shoots from Elsa's hand, spikes across the floor! Guests cry out in shock, back away. DUKE (ducking behind his men) ...Sorcery. I knew there was something dubious going on here. ANNA Elsa...? Elsa rushes out of the room. CUT TO: EXT. COURTYARD -- NIGHT Elsa bursts out of the castle door. The CITIZENS CHEER! CROWD There she is. Your Majesty! Long live the Queen! Queen Elsa.... Come drink with us. Elsa ducks through the crowd, holding her bare hand. BOWING TOWNSMAN Queen Elsa. TOWNSWOMAN WITH BABY Your Majesty? Are you all right? Elsa backs away from the baby. She knocks into the fountain, grabs its edge. The waters freeze at her touch. GASPS of shock and fear sweep over the crowd. The Duke and thugs come out the door. DUKE There she is! Stop her! ELSA (to the Duke) Please, just stay away from me. Stay away! Magic accidentally shoots from her hand and turns the staircase into ice. The thugs and the Duke fall. DUKE Monster.... Monster! 33 FROZEN - J. Lee The crowd panics. A snowstorm begins. Elsa flees. Anna runs out of the palace doors, carrying the glove. ANNA Elsa! Hans follows closely behind her. GATES TO THE KINGDOM: Elsa runs out of the gates and down to the water's edge. The shoreline freezes under her feet. Anna calls to her from the gates. ANNA (CONT'D) Elsa! Wait, please! Elsa glances back at Anna, but turns away. She tentatively steps out onto the fjord. It freezes instantly. She breaks into a run, as the water freezes over with each step. ANNA (CONT'D) Elsa, stop! Anna rushes out onto the fjord ice, slips, falls. HANS Anna! Hans rushes to Anna's side. Elsa reaches the far shore. She doesn't look back. She just scrambles into the mountains. ANNA No. HANS (shocked) Look.... The fjord. The ice spreads out until the entire fjord is frozen, locking the ships in place. INT. CASTLE COURTYARD -- NIGHT Snow falls. Hans and Anna move through the panicking crowd. CROWD WALLAH Snow? It's...snow...in July. 34 FROZEN - J. Lee HANS ...Are you all right? ANNA (in shock) No. HANS Did you know? ANNA No. Nearby, the Duke flutters about in fright. DUKE Look! It's snowing! It's snowing! The Queen has cursed this land! She must be stopped! (to his thugs) You have to go after her. Anna rushes up to the Duke. ANNA Wait, no! The Duke hides behind his thugs and points out at Anna. DUKE You! Is there sorcery in you, too? Are you a monster, too? ANNA No. No. I'm completely ordinary. HANS That's right she is... (realizing how that sounds) ...in the best way. ANNA ...And my sister's not a monster. DUKE She nearly killed me. HANS You slipped on ice. DUKE Her ice! 35 FROZEN - J. Lee ANNA It was an accident. She was scared. She didn't mean it. She didn't mean any of this.... Tonight was my fault. I pushed her. So I'm the one that needs to go after her. DUKE Yes. Fine. Do. HANS What? ANNA (to the Royal Handler) Bring me my horse, please. HANS Anna, no. It's too dangerous. ANNA Elsa's not dangerous. I'll bring her back, and I'll make this right. The Royal Handler brings Anna her horse and a cloak. HANS I'm coming with you. ANNA No, I need you here to take care of Arendelle. He sees the desperation in her eyes. HANS ...On my honor. She throws on the cloak and hops right onto the horse, coronation dress and all. ANNA (to the crowd) I leave Prince Hans in charge! HANS (before letting her go) Are you sure you can trust her? I don't want you getting hurt. ANNA She's my sister; she would never hurt me. 36 FROZEN - J. Lee She snaps the reins and rides out. Hans watches after her. The snow picks up and overtakes our view. We push through a blizzard...lose our way...then finds ourselves... EXT. HIGH UP IN THE MOUNTAINS -- NIGHT Well above the snow-line, a small figure climbs the highest peak. It's Elsa. Finally, she stops, looks around. Catches her breath and sings... "Let It Go" ELSA THE SNOW GLOWS WHITE ON THE MOUNTAIN TONIGHT, NOT A FOOTPRINT TO BE SEEN. A KINGDOM OF ISOLATION AND IT LOOKS LIKE I'M THE QUEEN. THE WIND IS HOWLING LIKE THIS SWIRLING STORM INSIDE. COULDN'T KEEP IT IN, HEAVEN KNOWS I TRIED. . . DON'T LET THEM IN, DON'T LET THEM SEE, BE THE GOOD GIRL YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE. CONCEAL, DON'T FEEL, DON'T LET THEM KNOW. WELL, NOW THEY KNOW. Elsa takes off her glove and throws it into the air. ELSA (CONT'D) LET IT GO. LET IT GO. CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE. Elsa creates a snowman, just like the one she made with Anna when they were children. ELSA (CONT'D) LET IT GO. LET IT GO. TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR. I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY. LET THE STORM RAGE ON. THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY. Elsa lets her cape fly back into the wind. 37 FROZEN - J. Lee ELSA (CONT'D) IT'S FUNNY HOW SOME DISTANCE MAKES EVERYTHING SEEM SMALL. AND THE FEARS THAT ONCE CONTROLLED ME CAN'T GET TO ME AT ALL. IT'S TIME TO SEE WHAT I CAN DO, TO TEST THE LIMITS AND BREAK THROUGH. NO RIGHT, NO WRONG, NO RULES FOR ME...I'M FREE! Elsa creates ice steps and climbs them. ELSA (CONT'D) LET IT GO! LET IT GO! I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKY. LET IT GO! LET IT GO! YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME CRY. HERE I STAND AND HERE I'LL STAY. Elsa slams her foot down and forms a giant snowflake. ELSA (CONT'D) LET THE STORM RAGE ON.... In a flurry of creative release, she raises the snowflake on ice beams, builds walls, archways, a glistening chandelier, and an intricate ceiling that leaves the sky visible. ELSA (CONT'D) MY POWER FLURRIES THROUGH THE AIR INTO THE GROUND. MY SOUL IS SPIRALING IN FROZEN FRACTALS ALL AROUND. AND ONE THOUGHT CRYSTALLIZES LIKE AN ICY BLAST- Standing firmly in her mighty ice palace, Elsa removes her crown and throws it. ELSA (CONT'D) I'M NEVER GOING BACK, (back to resolve) THE PAST IS IN THE PAST! She takes down her hair and creates a new dress made of ice. ELSA (CONT'D) LET IT GO! LET IT GO! AND I'LL RISE LIKE THE BREAK OF DAWN. LET IT GO! LET IT GO! The sun rises. Elsa struts onto out onto a balcony and into the light. She's free.
W Kember
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled…
A CORAM
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the ****** man? -The ****** man? -The ****** man. -Yes, I know the ****** man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the ****** man. -The ****** man? -The ****** man! -She's married to the ****** man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - - Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face
W Kember
14th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. Special thanks to Serge
matt (from wii sports)
4th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
vactanation is a hoax ps i spelt it wrong on purpose
R WAYMAN
5th Nov 2018 Flag Comment
I am a FEMINIST. I am DISGUSTED there is no non binary calculator. I will sending a letter to your MANAGER UWU
A CORAM
19th Mar 2019 Flag Comment
He is coming. Cover your butt. Cover the what? Vitruvius. Lord Business. You've hidden the Kragle well, old man. Robots, destroy him! Yes, Lord Business. Your robots are no match for a MasterBuilder. For I see everything! Unh! My eyes! Ow! The Kragle. The most powerful super weapon... ...is mine. Oh, the Kragle! Now my evil power will be unlimited! Can you feel me? I can feel you. Whoo! Nothing's gonna stop me now. Wait. There was a prophecy. Oh, now there's a prophecy. About the Piece of Resistance. Oh, yes! The supposed missing Piece of Resistance... ...that can somehow magically disarm the Kragle. Give me a break! One day, a talented lass or fellow A Special One with face of yellow Will make the Piece of Resistance found From its hiding refuge underground And with a noble army at the helm This MasterBuilder will thwart The Kragle and save the realm And be the greatest Most interesting Most important person of all times All of this is true Because it rhymes Oh, wow. That was a great, inspiring legend... ...that you made up. A "Special One"? What a bunch of hippie-dippie baloney. Good morning, apartment! Good morning, doorway! Good morning, wall. Good morning, ceiling. Good morning, floor! Ready to start the day! Ah, here it is! "Instructions to fit in... ...have everybody like you... ...and always be happy! Step one: Breathe. " Okay, got that one down. "Step two: Greet the day, smile and say... " Good morning, city! Good morning, city! Good morning, city! Good morning, city! Top of the morning to you there, city! Good morning, city! How you doing? Good morning, city! "Step three: Exercise. " Jumping jacks. Hit them! One! Two! Three! I am so pumped up! "Step four: Shower. " And always be sure to keep the soap out of your...! Aah! Shave your face. Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Hmm. "Wear clothes. " Oop! I almost forgot that one! No. No. Uh-uh. No. Not that. Wrong. And that's it. Check. Step nine: Eat a complete breakfast... ...with all the special people in your life. Hey, Plantie, what do you wanna do this morning? Watch TV? Me too! Hi, I'm President Business... ...president of the Octan Corporation and the world. Let's take extra care to follow the instructions, or you'll be put to sleep. And don't forget Taco Tuesday's coming next week! That's the day every rule-following citizen gets a free taco and my love! Have a great day, everybody! You have a great day too, President Business. Man, he's such a cool guy. I always wanna hear more of what... Wait, did he say "put to sleep"? Tonight on Where Are My Pants? Honey, where are my pants? What was I just thinking? I don't care. "Step 11: Greet your neighbors. " - Hey, Joe. - Hey, pal. Whoa! Hey, Surfer Dave. Hey, brah. - Oh, good morning, Sherrie. - Hey, fella. - Oh, hey, Jasmine, Dexter. Meow. Meow. - Angie, Loki, Bad Leroy. Meow. Meow. Meow. - Fluffy, Fluffy Junior, Fluffy Senior. Meow. Meow. Meow. - Jeff. Meow. Step 12: Obey all traffic signs and regulations. Step 13: Enjoy popular music. Top of the charts again... ...it's "Everything Is Awesome. " - Oh, my gosh, I love this song! Everything is awesome Everything is cool When you're part of a team Everything is awesome When we're living our Dream Always use a turn signal. Park between the lines. Yes! Drop off dry-cleaning before noon. Read the headlines. Don't forget to smile. Always root for the local sports team. Go, Sports Team! Always return a compliment. - Hey, you look nice. So do you! Drink overpriced coffee. Here you go. That's $37. Awesome! Everything is awesome Did you see Where Are My Pants? last night? "Honey, where's my pants?" Classic episode. Everything is awesome Instructions coming in from Central. Okay, it says here to take everything weird and blow it up. All right, Cylinderheads... ...let's make it look like it does in the instructions! Hey, buddy! I need a 1-by-2 key hole. No problem, Michael. We need a 2-by-2 macaroni. 2- by-2 macaroni flying in. Here's one. Look out, guys, I got a 1-by-1 with an indented stud on one side. - Cheese slopes. Come on, everybody. Roger that, Roger. Look alive, coming at you. Can I get a couple LURPs over here? Thanks, Gail. Guys, watch me drill this down. Everything is awesome Everything is cool When you're part of a team Everything is awesome When we're living our dream Have you heard the news? Everyone's talkin' Life is good Because everything's awesome Man, I feel so good right now! I could sing this song for hours! Everything is awesome When we're living our dream When you're part of a team! Yeah! I'm going to the sports bar after work tonight. Who wants to eat some delicious chicken wings and get crazy? Chicken wings? I love chicken wings! Hey, who wants to share a croissant with this guy? Croissants? I love croissants. Oh, yeah! I sure do love giant sausages. Giant sausages? No way! You know what I love to do? Is share a meal with the special people in my life. Fred, Barry, Gail, me and you? Ah! No, wait, guys! Wait up! Okay, I'll meet you there. Oh. Where did it go? Oh, there you are. I think I heard a whoosh. Hey, pal, I hate to tell you this... ...but, uh, I don't think you're supposed to be here. Yeah, the rules specifically state... ...work site closes at 6, it's a hard-hat area only. That's not official safety orange. "If you see anything weird, report it immediately. " Well, I guess I'm gonna... ...have to report youuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... ...uuu... Where are you going? Miss! I didn't mean to scare you! I'm sor... Ow. Ow! Hey! Heh. That's not so bad. Yeow! Ooh! Aah! Aah! Ooh! Ow. Ow. Hey. What is that? Come here. What do I do? I don't have my instructions. Touch the Piece. Touch the Piece. Touch the Piece. I feel like maybe I should touch that. It's so... ...interesting. Touch the Piece. It's so interesting. Touch the Piece. Touch the Piece. - Touch the Piece. - Uh... Touch the... A Special One with face of yellow Will make the Piece of Resistance found From its hiding refuge underground What's going on down here? This MasterBuilder will thwart The Kragle and save the realm Come on, Emmet! The Special has arisen. It's your turn to be the hero. Wake up. Ugh. Come on, wake up! Where are the MasterBuilders? How did you find the Piece of Resistance? Eh? - Where are the others hiding? Good morning, apartment? - Wake up! - Aah! How did you find the Piece of Resistance? The piece of what? The Piece of Resistance. L... I don't... Where am I? What's happening? "What's happening?" Playing dumb, MasterBuilder. No. L... "MasterBuilder"? - Oh. So you've never heard of the prophecy? - No. Or The Special? No, no! You're a liar! We'll kill you! Look, um, I watch a lot of cop shows on TV. Isn't there supposed to also be...? Isn't there supposed to be a good cop? Oh, yes. But we're not done yet. Hi, buddy! I'm your friendly neighborhood police officer! - Would you like a glass of water? - Yeah. Yeah, actually. Too bad. Security cameras picked up this. Unh! You were found at the construction site convulsing with a strange piece. That's disgusting! Then why is it permanently stuck to your back? Get it off me! Get it off me! Aah! It won't come off! It's chasing me! Look, it's not my fault! I have no idea how this thing got on my back! Of course, buddy. I believe you. Great. Aah! I "believe" you too. You see the quotations I'm making with my claw hands? It means I don't believe you! Why else would you show up with that thing on your back... ...just three days before President Business... ...is going to use the Kragle to end the world? President Business is gonna end the world? But he's such a good guy. And Octan, they make good stuff. Music, dairy products, coffee, TVshows... ...surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines. Wait a minute. Come on, you can't be this stupid. This is a misunderstanding. I'm just a regular, normal, ordinary guy. I'm late to meet my best friends in the whole world. They're probably missing me right now. They're probably out looking around. "Hey, where's Emmet? Hey, where's my best friend Emmet?" Hey, you know what? Ask all my friends. They'll tell you. Oh, we asked them, all right. Boom! That guy's not a criminal mastermind. See? Yeah. You know, he's kind of an average, normal kind of guy. Thank you. But, you know, he's not, like... ...normal like us. No. He's not that special. Wait, I'm so confused. Who are we talking about? Wait, does he work with us? Gail doesn't remember me? Look at Randy here. He likes sausage. That's something. Gail is perky. That's something. And Harry... ...well... - When you say Harry, I go: When you say the other guy, I go: Harry's the best! - Harry's got personality. He's weird! He's weird! I know that guy but I know, like, zippy-zap about him. We just talked earlier. I mean, all he does is say yes... ...to everything everybody else is doing. You know, he's just sort of a "Hmm!" Little bit of a blank slate, I guess. That'll be $42, please. We all have something that makes us something and Emmet is... ...nothing. There you go. - I told you I was a nobody. Oh. It's the perfect cover. Cover? Cover for what? I can't break him. Take him to the melting chamber. What? Aah! You're gonna melt me? Am I gonna die? You'll live. You'll be fine. President Business. I have him right here, sir. Yes, we've told him he'll live so he doesn't try to escape, but, um... ...we're lying to him. Wait, what did he just say? Hold still. Wait! There's obviously been a mix-up here. You've got the wrong... Ow! Ow, ow, ow! That is gonna start hurting... ...pretty soon. Ow, ow, ow! No, no, no! Whoa. Who are you? It's you? Come with me if you wanna not die. Hi, everybody! How's the melting goi...? Hey, hey, hey! Red alert, red alert. I need everyone, repeat: Everyone, to go after The Special. The tunnel's that way. Oh, boy! Oh, sir, you're brilliant. - We'll build a motorcycle out of the alleyway. - Ow. Oh. So, uh, didn't catch your name... ...or anything about what you're, uh, up to. Or what we're doing here. It's brilliant, sir, that you pretended to be a useless nobody... ...but you can drop the act with me. It's cool. Oh, the act. Whoa. Whoa! Jump on. Let's go! Hey, uh, I... Hang on, sir. All units... ...cut him off on Elm, now! Or whenever you can. 10-4, Bad Cop. - Watch out! - Hold on. We need to meet up with Vitruvius... ...and tell him the Piece has been found. Uh-huh. They're up on the monorail. Release the copper choppers. Oh, no! Will you please tell me what is happening? I'm rescuing you, sir. You're the one the prophecy spoke of. You're The Special. Me? You found the Piece of Resistance. And the prophecy states... ...that you are the most important, most talented... ...most interesting... ...and most extraordinary person in the universe. That's you. Right? Uh, yes. That's me. Great. You drive. What? I wanna go home! This is not what I meant! Oh, no. Look out, Special! Uh, sorry. Never driven a motorcycle. Sorry! - Wow, he's amazing. - Aah! That was incredible! You're even better than the prophecy said you'd be. Oh. Really? I'm, uh... I'm Wyldstyle. - Oh, I'm sorry, what was it? - Wyldstyle. - "Wyldstyle"? Yep. - What are you, a DJ? No. - Oh, that's your name? "Wyldstyle"? - Yeah. Like on your birth certificate, it says "Wyldstyle. " Let's not talk about my name! Don't let The Special get away. Sir, we've blocked the freeway. Hang on, sir! What are you doing? Let's fly! Whoa! Head for the secret tunnel. Uh, these are the city limits. Let's just head for the tunnel. You want me to drive into that weird swirly hole? Are you insane? Don't brake! Go! Don't stop! Go! Now! I can't do this! That is against the instructions! Wait, what's your favorite restaurant? Any chain restaurant. Favorite TV show? Where Are My Pants? Favorite song? Everything Is Awesome Oh, no! Darn, darn, darn, darny-darn! Wait. Where are we? This is so weir...! Ow! You're not The Special! You lied to me! It really kind of depends on... You're not even a MasterBuilder, are you? Uh, I mean, I know what a MasterBuilder is. Why don't you tell me what it is? That way I could see if you're right. You've ruined the prophecy. Look, I'm sorry, okay? You just... You made being special sound so good. And to think I was going to follow you to the end of the universe. You were? Here's the thing. How do we know for sure that I'm not The Special? - We just don't know it yet. - Quiet. Y'all want a giant turkey leg? Do you have any idea what that does to your colon? - Oh, my G-O-S-H. Just put the hat on. Oh... ...and this. And this. And this. - And this. - Aah! And, by the way, I have a boyfriend. Uh, I'm not sure exactly why you'd bring that up. It's super serious. You do not want to mess with him. Okay. So don't get any ideas. I never have any ideas. Wait! Stick them up. Hands where I can see them. Hey, uh, listen. You think you can explain why I'm dressed like this... ...and what those big words in the sky were all about? And, like, where we are in time. Your home, Bricksburg, is one of many realms in the universe. There's also this one... ...Pirate's Cove, Knight's Club, Viking's Landing, Clown Town... ...a bunch of others we don't need to mention. Mm-hm. Lord Business, or as you think you know him... ...President Business... ...stole the Kragle, the most powerful object in the universe. Blah, blah, blah. Proper name. Place name. Backstory stuff. ...Piece of Resistance is The Special. Mm-hm. I'm so pretty. I like you. But I'm angry with you for some reason. ...tower at the end of the universe... Mm-hm. ...put the Piece of Resistance onto the Kragle... ...and disarm it forever. Great. I think I got it... ...butjust in case... ...tell me the whole thing again. I wasn't listening. Okay. All the people of the universe were once free to travel... ...and mingle and build whatever they wanted. But President Business was confused by all the chaos. So he erected walls between the worlds... ...and became obsessed with order and perfection. And he stole the mysterious... ...secret super weapon called... The Kragle! - And he hired Bad Cop... ...to hunt down all the MasterBuilders, who were always changing everything. And those of us who remained... ...well, we went into hiding. Built the tunnels to survive. And we search for the Piece of Resistance. The only thing that can stop the Kragle. Kragle. I know that. It might have been that cop. He said something about the Kragle. President Business was going to use the Kragle... ...to end the world in three days. I can't make any sense of it. Taco Tuesday. I knew that was suspicious. There's no time to lose. We must find Vitruvius and get to the Office Tower before it's too late. Okay. Heh. How scary can someone's office be? President Business, we're trying to locate the fugitive... ...but his face is so generic it matches every other face in our database. Diabolical. Okay, have Bad Cop meet me in my office... ...in 23 seconds. Ciao. - Will do, sir. Coffee sales are through the roof, sir. Glad to hear it. Let's rebuild that roof to be even higher! - The roof team is on it. - Ha, ha. Sir, can you approve this poster for Taco Tuesday? Perfect. Whoo! - I love everyone in this room. We love you, sir! Greatjob on the radio station. Thank you, sir. We love listening to this song over and over again. Keep it up, guys. Honey, where are my... ...pants? Ha-ha-ha! Cut! Ha, ha! Hilarious. That never gets old. It does not. Bad Cop is waiting for you in your office. Wonderful. Fantastic. Would you cancel my 2:00? This next meeting could run a little bit... ...deadly. Activate helmet. Light sequence. Flame test. - Engage dramatic entrance. Aah! Bad Cop. Lord Business. I know The Special got away, but... Don't be so serious. Where's the other guy? - Hey, friend. Hey, buddy! - I missed you. - Aw, did you really? Have I ever shown you my relic collection? Nope. I don't think you have. Nobody knows where this stuff comes from. This one... ...is the Cloak of Ban Da'Id. I hear it's super painful to take off. - You wanna try it on? - Well, um... No, but thank you. We've done some great work over the years together, Bad Cop... ...capturing all those MasterBuilders... ...and torturing them and whatnot. Thank you, sir. Although... ...you did let the Piece of Resistance go. The one thing that can ruin my plans. The one thing that I asked you to take care of. That's super frustrating. It makes me just wanna pick up whoever... ...is standing closest to me... ...and throw them through this window... ...and out into the infinite abyss of nothingness! I wanna do it so bad. I know you do, sir. Please don't. And it's notjust you, Bad Cop, that keeps messing up my plans. People everywhere are always messing with my stuff. But I have a way to fix that. A way to keep things exactly the way they are supposed to be. Permanently. Behold... ...the most powerful weapon... ...of all the relics: The Kragle! As you can see, they're loading the Kragle in a big machine upstairs. I call it... ...the Tentacle Arm Kragle Outside Sprayer. Or TAKOS. The "S" is silent. So on Taco Tuesday... ...it's going to spray the Kragle over everyone and everything... ...with a bunch of super-scary nozzles like this one! - I'll show you how it works. - Sir, I don't know if this is necessary. Oh, don't worry. I won't test it on you. I'll do it on your parents! What? - Hi, son. - Hi! How's it going in the big city? Mommy. Daddy. What are you doing here? Okay, Pa. I just want you to act naturally. - Like you're going about your day. - Gotcha. Yeah. Keep your hand up like that. Ma, scoot... ...two steps in to the right. - Pa, whenever I talk to Ma... - Uh-huh? ...you start to move. - Sorry, sir. Get back to where you were! - Here? Perfect. That's great. You can't do anything better. No reason why you should move. Right. Now, Ma... ...hand on his shoulder. And you... Pa, you just moved... ...and you've just wrecked it! - Uh-huh. You wrecked it! Bad Cop, you see what I'm talking about? All I'm asking for is total perfection. Send in a Micro-manager! Commencing micro-management. Hold still, you guys. And then... ...I just spray them... ...with the TAKOS. Oh, Pa, hold me. Oh, darling, I can't move me legs. - Does that upset you, Bad Cop? - Um... Surely you feel bad for your parents, and you wanna help them, don't you? We're okay, son. Just a little stuck, is all. Go ahead... ...finish the job. Of course, sir. No, I don't want to. - You have to. - I don't want to. - Would you please be quiet? - I can't. - You must. Shut it! - But they... - It's not nice. - It's yourjob, man. I can't do it. - They're innocent. - Just as I thought. Your Good Cop side's making you soft, Bad Cop. Robots! Bring me the fleece-crested Scepter of Q-Teep... ...and the P-Lish Remover of Na-ll. You've already let The Special get away once. Sir. I'm just gonna make sure it doesn't happen again. No more Mr. Nice Guy! Oh, son! On Taco Tuesday, I'm going to Kragleize the entire universe... ...so that everyone will stop messing with my stuff! Are you gonna be with me... ...or are you gonna be stuck... ...having a tea party with your mom and dad? Son? Sorry, Dad. I have ajob to do. All you have to do is blend in and act like you belong here. Ah, perfect. Well, hi there, I'm a cowboy! Bang, bang, bang-bang-bang-bang! Shoot, shoot, shoot. Bullet, bullet, gun. Zap, zap, zap, pow. Zap, pow. What are they looking at? I made a mistake. You should just be still. Act like a stool. - Wait! - Howdy, guys! - Quiet. Nope, stools don't talk. - Come sit on me. Okay, shh. Let me show you how it's done. What a lady! Okay, let me just find the wizard... ...and get this over with. - Ooh! - There he is. - Vitruvius. - Who? I've never heard of that man, whom I am not. - Who are you? - It's me. I am a blind man and cannot see. - It's Wyldstyle. - Oof. Are you a DJ? - What? Why does everybody...? - Oh, wait, wait. Are you the student I used to have... ...who was so insecure she kept changing her name? No, no, no. - First Darkstorm, then Geminizzle. - No. Never. Then Neversmile, then Freakface, then Snazzypants. Okay. All right, yes. Meet me upstairs in 10 seconds. Oh, man. You have a very weirdly... ...decorated place. - Thank you. Vitruvius, we have found the Piece of Resistance. - Is it true? Yes, but... Wyldstyle. The prophecy states that... ...you are The Special. The embodiment of good, foiler of evil. The most talented, most brilliant... ...most important person in the universe. That would be great... ...but Emmet is the one... ...who found the Piece. Oh, okay. Emmet! The prophecy states that... ...you are The Special. - The most talented... - I'm not sure he's The Special. Because he's not even a MasterBuilder. Watch. Emmet, just given what's around you... ...build something simple. - Okay. Like an awesome race car. - Great. Go. - Do you have the instructions? No. You must create the instructions in your mind, my liege. Ah. Okay. Race car. Um... Well, there's a lot of really cool stuff here. Don't see a wheel... ...or... ...three more wheels. See? He can't do it. He will never be a MasterBuilder. Of course not. Not if you keep telling him he can't. He needs to see that he can. What are you doing? We are entering your mind... - What? ...to prove that you have the unlocked potential... ...to be a MasterBuilder. Ujjayi breath. Whoa, are we inside my brain right now? - It's big. I must be smart. Mm-hm. I'm not hearing a lot of activity here. I don't think he's ever had an original thought. In his life. Ha, ha. That's not true. For instance, one time I wanted to have... ...a bunch of my friends over to watch TV... Not unlike this TV thatjust showed up magically. And not everybody can fit on my one couch... ...and I thought to myself: "What if there was such a thing as a bunk bed... ...but as a couch?" Introducing the double-decker couch. So everyone could watch TV together and be buddies! That is literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Please, Wyldstyle, let me handle this. That idea is just the worst. There must be something around here... ...that proves his potential. If The Man Upstairs chose him to be The Special... ...there must be a reason. Who's The Man Upstairs? - See? He doesn't even know about The Man Upstairs. Does he have, like, super-gross hands... ...that look like they're made out of big pink sausages? Like eagle talons mixed with squid? Wait. You've seen the...? Whoa! That's what I was just thinking about. How did you...? I had this weird dream when I touched the Piece. Well, I mean, I wasn't asleep, so it wasn't really a dream. Emmet, you had a vision. I did? MasterBuilders spend years... ...training themselves to clear their minds enough... ...to have even a fleeting glimpse of The Man Upstairs... ...and yet, your mind is already so prodigiously empty... ...that there is nothing in it to clear away in the first place. With proper training... ...you could become a great MasterBuilder. I could? The prophecy chose you, Emmet. But I can't do any of the stuff... ...that the prophecy says I'm supposed to do. All you have to do is to believe. Then... ...you will see everything. Are you ready, my son? Yes, I am. I think. Then we haven't a moment to lose. We must assemble... ...the MasterBuilders. Do you think Zeppelins are a bad investment? Any of you fellas seen this guy? Wait a minute, partner. Draw a cowboy hat on him. These mechanical birds will get our message out. They will go to an Internet caf... ...and e-mail the remaining MasterBuilders... ...who will meet us in the secret realm of Cloud Cuckooland. Cuckooland? Wait. What happened to that whole training part? Don't worry, Emmet. Your training begins now. Piano man... ...open up. Your training begins later! On three. One... - Whew. I think we're in the clear. Freeze, turkeys. All I want is the Piece of Resistance. We would rather he died than give it to you. I would not rather he died. Look, everybody, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it... Go, run! They took the hard way. Fire! Fire! Vitruvius, which way to Cloud Cuckooland? Head for the big bright thing in the sky. You mean the sun? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Let's get out of here. Here, use this. What? Wait, hey... - What are you doing? Aah! Let's go! I don't know what I'm doing. Goodbye. Boom! Oh, dang! Aah! I've got pigs! I hate pigs! Quit playing around in the mud. I could use your help. Wyldstyle, we could really use... ...your help! Oink, oink, oink. Oink! Vitruvius, they're gaining on us. Build something! Let Emmet try! No, let's not let Emmet try! I haven't had any training. That's okay. We'll start with how to become a MasterBuilder. Step one: Trust your instincts. Okay, okay. Um... Build something! Build something! Aha. Take that! Unless your instincts are terrible. No! The wheel! I can't control it much longer! Emmet, we need to attach the wheel to something that spins around. Um... We need to attach the wheel to something that spins around. We need to attach the wheel to something that spins around. We need to attach the wheel to something that spins around. Something that spins around. Spins around. Spins around. Oh. Emmet, where are you going? Oh, this better work. Hang tight! Dagnabit! Well done, Emmet. Hey! I did it. Wow. You actually did it. Train! Oh, no. Get off my train. Run! Wyldstyle! Owie! He's gonna ram us. Quick, quick, quick! That piece! Give me that piece. Huh? Build a ramp! What the heck? Rest in pieces. - Uh... - Oh, no. Wait. No, no, no. Hey. Thanks for saving my life back there. Even if, you know... ...eventually it turned out to be pointless. Well, for what it's worth... ...this has been about the greatest 15 minutes of my life. What the...? Relax, everybody, I'm here. Batman! - What's up, babe? Babe! - What? - Oh, sorry. Batman, this is Emmet. Emmet, this is my boyfriend, Batman. I'm Batman. That's your boyfriend? Aah! Batman, huh? Where'd you guys meet? It's actually a funny story, right, Bat? There he is. - "Police" to meet you, Bad Cop. - Batman! The pleasure... ...is all "spine. " Guess what... ...you big dumb baby. Your car is a baby carriage. Oh, no, your boyfriend's gone. Hey, babe. - What? Let's hold hands. So, uh... Hey, guys, I think we're about to crash into the sun. Yeah, but it's gonna look really cool. Uh, is this Cloud Cuckooland? I don't see any clouds. - Or cuckoos. - No, no, this is... ...Middle Zealand. A wondrous land... ...full of knights, castles, mutton... ...torture weapons, poverty, leeches, illiteracy... ...and, um... Dragon! Yeah, that too. Once we arrive at Cloud Cuckooland, we'll raise an army... ...of MasterBuilders to... Anyway, you guys gotta check out these new subwoofers I installed. I call them the dogs. Listen to them bark! Can you turn that down a little bit? This is a song I wrote for Wyldstyle. Darkness It's about how I'm an orphan. No parents This is real music, Emmet. Batman's a true artist. Dark, brooding. Well, I'm dark and brooding too. Guys, look, a rainbow. So you're gonna drive up the curved part... Super rich ...take it all the way to the top... Kind of makes it better ...and park the car. Friends, welcome to Cloud Cuckooland. Now... I just need to give the secret knock. Okay. I'm just gonna come right out. I have no idea what's going on... ...or what this place is at all. Hi! I am Princess Unikitty... ...and I welcome you all to Cloud Cuckooland. There's no signs or anything. How does anyone know what not to do? Here in Cloud Cuckooland... ...there are no rules. There's no government... ...no babysitters... ...no bedtimes... ...no frowny faces... ...no bushy mustaches... ...and no negativity of any kind. You just said the word "no" like a thousand times. And there's also no consistency. I hate this place. Any idea is a good idea... ...except the not happy ones. Those you push down deep inside... ...where you'll never, ever, ever... ...ever... ...find them. Your fellow MasterBuilders are gathered in the Dog. The what? Ah! Is that Superman? Girl, what are you doing? - Hey, Superman! - Oh, hey. What's up? - Lantern. Green Lantern. - Yeah, yeah. You wanna sit together at the meeting? Um, I have to go back to Krypton. Didn't Krypton blow up? My fellow MasterBuilders, including but not limited to... ...Robin Hood, Mermaid Lady... ...Gandalf... ...Swamp Creature... ...1980-something Space Guy... - Hello! ...2002 NBA All-Stars... ...and Wonder Woman. - Unh! You have traveled far to be here for a moment of great import. We have learned... ...that Lord Business plans to unleash... ...a fully weaponized Kragle... ...on Taco Tuesday... ...to end the world as we know it. Please, calm yourselves. Green Ninja... ...Milhouse... ...Nice Vampire... ...Michelangelo, Michelangelo... ...and Cleopatra. There is yet one hope. The Special has arisen. Have the young man step forward. As you wish, Dubbledore. I'm Gandalf! - It's pronounced "Dumbledore. " - Dubbadore? No, "Dumbledore. " Thought you said "Dubbadore. " Vitruvius! You gotta write that down. I'm not gonna remember any of it. But here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech. Go ahead, man. You got this. Okay. Hello. I'm Emmet. Oh, and this is the Piece of Resistance. Thank you. Well, uh, I know that I, for one... ...am very excited to work with you guys... ...to get into the Octan Tower, find the Kragle... ...and put this thing on the thing. And I know it's going to be really hard, but... "Really hard"? Wiping ye bum with a hook for a hand is really hard. This be impossible. The last time we tried to storm Lord Business' office... ...we used every plan we could conceive. The result was a massacre too terrible to speak of. Who are you? The name be Metal Beard. And I'll tell you me tale of woe. Oh, great, here we go again. I arrived... ...at the foot of the Tower... ...with me hearty MasterBuilder crew... ...only to fnd the Kragle was all the way up on the infnityeth floor... ...guarded by a robot army... ...and security measures... ...of every kind... ...imaginable: Lasers... ...sharks... ...laser sharks... ...overbearing assistants... ...and strange, dangerous relics... ...that entrap... ...snap... ...and zap. And there be a mysterious room called the Think Tank. I barely made it out of that... ...room... ...with just me head! And organs. Okay. I had to replace every part of my once-strapping... ...virile pirate body... ...with this useless hunk of garbage ye see before ye. So if ye think it'd be a good idea to return... ...to that forsaken place... ...Special... ...what idea have ye that be better... ...than the ideas of 100... ...of our fallen MasterBuilder brothers? Well, uh... Well, technically I'm not exactly a MasterBuilder yet. What? Please! Everyone! Please! Rubbish! Yes, it's true. I may not be a MasterBuilder. I may not have a lot of experience... ...fighting or leading or coming up with plans. Or having ideas in general. In fact, I'm not all that smart. And I'm not what you'd call a "creative type. " Plus... ...generally unskilled. Also... ...scared and cowardly. I know what you're thinking: "He is the least qualified person... ...in the world to lead us. " And you are right. This is supposed to make us feel better? No, there was about to be a "but. " - You're a butt! - Yes. You all be on your own! I be leaving this lost cause! Why are you leaving? A house divided against itself would be better... ...than this. Abraham Lincoln! You bring your space chair right back here! Come on, guys! We can still do this. Right? You're not even a bit special. Well, you were right about him being a ding-dong. You're a huge disappointment. Get him out of here. I don't wanna look at him. Well, at least it can't get any worse. I was wrong. It's the Orb of Tee-ti-list! Ruh-roh. It's the bad guys. Whoa. How did he...? Go! Run! Come on, everyone! Protect The Special. What's that on his ankle? It's a tracking device. Take the MasterBuilders prisoner. Oh, he led them right to us. Guys, no, no, no. It's not my fault. You are the worst leader I've ever seen. To the Batmobile! Dang it. To the invisible jet! - Dang it! - Every man for himself. No, we must protect the Piece. Shaq, do you know what time... ...it is? - It's game time. Y'all ready for this? Oh, no! They were ready for that. It didn't break! Because it's Kragled. Machine gum! Fire! No! Aah! I can't move! Don't worry, Superman. - I'll get you out of there. - No! Don't! Aah! Oh, my gosh. My hands are stuck. My legs are stuck as well. I super hate you. - Ow! You're pulling my torso off. - Babe... ...help me get him out of here. I said "every man for himself. " Hey, you gotta be there for me. Fine! Fine. Fine. Fine. - I need you to have a better attitude. - I have a great... ...attitude. - Ouch. The Special's in the northwest quadrant. We've got him cornered. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Where'd he go? Oh, no! They've hit our silly cloud stabilizers! Let's go! We need to get Emmet out of here. Can't we build something? - Hey! I'm Ben. But you can call me Benny. I can build a spaceship. Watch. Spaceship, spaceship, spaceship Spaceship, spaceship No! You can't. The skies are surrounded. That's okay. I didn't really wanna build... ...a spaceship anyway. That's cool. Where can we go where we can't be found? Maybe we could go underwater? What if we went underwater? Great idea, babe! Thank you, Batman. Your ideas are the best. But I just said that. - We could build a submarine. - A Bat-Submarine, patent pending. With rainbows! And dream catchers, in case we take a nap. Like an underwater spaceship! But you can't build all of them at once. Ready? Break. Okay. These are the colors I need: Blue razzleberry and sour apple! If anybody has black parts, I need them, okay? I only work in black. And sometimes, very, very dark gray. - Use the yellow bricks! - Hey, guys, can I help? No! It has to be this way! No, I need that! Where is he? Anyone know what this is, and do you need it? I think we could use wings and rocket boosters. Ew. Get your retro space stuff out of my area. You guys, hey, just tell me exactly what to do. And how to do it. Emmet, don't worry about what the others are doing. You must embrace what is special about you! There he is! All units, attack the sub! Emmet, get in here! Stop him! Stop him! Don't let him... ...get to the water! Dive, dive, dive! Everybody in! We're going under! Oh, no. My home. It's gone. I feel something inside. It's like the opposite of happiness. I must stay positive. Ah. Bubble gums. Butterflies. Cotton candy. Gosh, I'm so sorry, Unikitty. Do you want to sit down and talk about it? What the heck is that? It's a double-decker couch. Which seemed like a good idea at the time... ...but I now realize it's not super helpful. But, you know, it has cup holders. Seats flip up with coolers underneath. You are so disappointing on so many levels. - Why are my pants cold and wet? - Ew. Uh... Hull breach. The walls are crying! We're coming apart at the seams! This is not how Batman dies. Emmet! - Hold on, hold on! - Wyldstyle! Deep breath! Deep breath, everybod...! Micro-managers, what's going on down there? Scanning submarine wreckage. No survivors detected. Scuba cops, dredge the entire ocean if you have to. We have got to find that Piece. Let's get these prisoners back to Lord Business... ...and give him the good news. The Special is no more. Hello, everybody! Superman. Wonder Woman, I had no idea you'd be here. Mr. Shaquille O'Neal. Greetings, all! Welcome to my Think Tank. Help us! All the MasterBuilders you've captured over the years... ...you've brought them here. You're a very perceptive person, Superman. They come up with all the instructions for everything in the universe. Robots! No! No! Grr! Can't get much worse than this. Uh, hello, neighbor. - Oh, no. It's Green Lantern. Oh, my gosh, we're roommates! How crazy is that? Does anyone have some Kryptonite that they could give me? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is The Special? The Special and the Piece of Resistance are at the bottom of the ocean. Wait, are you telling me you don't have him? Sir, my scuba team is looking for his remains as we speak. Bad Cop, he could still be alive! The Piece could still be out there. The only remnant of The Special was a double-decker couch. Wait, hold on. A double-decker couch? Yes, sir. Really? So it's like a bunk-bed couch? Is that what it's like? That's weird. If you're sitting in the top middle... ...how are you gonna get down without climbing over someone? If you're sitting on the bottom and you're watching TV... ...are you gonna have to watch through a bunch of dangling legs? Who's gonna want to sit on the bottom? It is literally... ...the most useless idea I have ever heard. - Well, we're still alive. - Yeah! Heh. The double-decker couch. It wasn't totally pointless after all. It's the one thing that stayed together. I always believed in you, Emmet. I don't mean to spoil the party, but does anyone else notice... ...we're stuck in the middle of the ocean on this couch? I mean, it's not like a big gigantic ship... ...is gonna come out of nowhere and save us... My gosh! Avast, mateys! Metal Beard, I thought you said we were a lost cause! Ye are! Did ye not hear me whole story... ...circumscribing the folly of this whole enterprise? Well, it's kind of hard not to hear when you're yelling everything. So why did you come back? This be-doubled land couch. I watched Lord Business' forces completely overlook it. Which means we need more ideas like it! Oh, thank you. Ideas so dumb and bad... ...that no one would ever think they could possibly be useful. Oh. Thank you. So, Special, what do we do? Uh... Well... ...what's the last thing Lord Business expects MasterBuilders will do? Build a spaceship? Kill a chicken? Marry a marshmallow. Why, this: How you gonna keep 'em down on the farm? No! It's follow the instructions. - Don't like that. - Sounds weird. Now, listen. Wait, listen. Guys, you're all so talented and imaginative. But you can't work together as a team. I'm just a construction worker. But when I had a plan and we were all working together... ...I mean, we could build a skyscraper. Now, you're MasterBuilders. Just imagine what could happen if you did that. You could save the universe. Well said, Emmet. Well said. Really? She be a fine speech there, laddie. Okay. Somebody get me some markers... ...some construction paper... ...and some glitter glue! I call this: "Emmet's plan to get inside the Tower... ...put the Piece of Resistance on the Kragle... ...and save the world. " I've built a hundred just like them back in the city. If we can just get in, I know where the air ducts and wiring are located. I can get us anywhere. How will we get inside? In a spaceship. - Spaceship! Ha, ha! - Great idea. A Bat-Spaceship. No, they're expecting us to show up... ...in a Bat-Spaceship, or a pirate spaceship or a rainbow-sparkle spaceship. One of those sounds awesome to me. My idea is to build a spaceship... ...that's exactly like all the other Octan delivery spaceships. So not the special spaceship that I'm building for all of you right now? Sorry, Benny. Maybe next time. Ooh, you're really letting the oxygen out of my tank here. Yeah, but according to your precious instructions... ...this ship needs a hyperdrive. We don't have that part. Maybe we could find one! What do you think, a spaceship is just gonna appear out of the blue? Are you kidding me? The same thing! - Chewie! - Mm! We're supposed to be halfway to Naboo for a sweet party! This hyperdrive keeps malfunctioning... ...taking us to loser systems like this. Captain Solo, we must go. You know how perturbed I get if we are not punctual. The Droid's right. Let's roll. Now hold on, Han. This might be the right galaxy after all. Because I see a heavenly body. Ooh, whoa, I have a boyfriend. And it is super serious. Right, babe? - Of course it's serious. - Yeah! - Got room forjust one dude? - Whoa! Babe! If he's a cool dude like you. You're trying to bail on us! I'm not trying to bail! You asked them if you could go with them on their party ship! That thing is filled with bon vivants. You speak French now? Babe, look, if this relationship is ever gonna work between us... ...I need to feel free to party... ...with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it. What? Babe! I will text you. Where'd you get that sweet space cape, brother? It's party time! Babe? Wyldstyle, you're such an amazing person. And, you know, if Batman can't see that, then he's just... Well, he's just as blind as a guy... ...whose eyes stopped working. And I'm gonna tell you something: Batman is the worst person I've ever met. - Need a hyperdrive? - No way. - Babe! - I knew it! I knew that. You really had me there! Those guys were so lame. All they did was play space checkers. Plus, it turns out the hairy one's a dude. And the metal one too. All dudes. But won't they notice their hyperdrive is missing? Come on, Chewie, hit the hyperdrive. Nah, they'll be fine. Step one: All right, we need a red four-piece unit over at the... Unikitty... ...you're supposed to follow the instructions, remember? Sorry. Ugh, this gives me the jeebies. What do I even...? I can't...! Nice! Step two: We pilot the ship to the service entrance... ...so we can get past the dangerous... ...but also kind of cool... ...laser gate. Space ID. I have a drive-on. Who are you here to see? I'm here to see Your Butt. Is that last name "Butt," first name "Your," or is it...? Oh, my gosh! Pow. Wham. Ka-zap. First try! Step three: We break into Lord Business' office... ...and we'll plunder his collection of relics for disguises. Step four: Benny and Metal Beard... ...will sneak their way into the master control room. Motion sensors triggered in Sector 12. 10-4. Uh-oh. - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Oh! Do it. Metal Beard, that was awesome! First law of the sea... ...never place your rear end on a pirate's face. Once inside, they'll use their technical know-how... ...to disable the Kragle shield. I am the computer. Cool! Talking computer. Please disable the shield systems. Of course. There are no movies in your area with that title. Step fve: Vitruvius will provide lookout and make sure we're not being followed. Okay. Step six: Batman and Unikitty go into the boardroom... ...to make one last change to Lord Business'plan. I move that we freeze the universe. Can I get a second on that? I second. Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises. Bruce Wayne? Uh, who's that? Sounds like a cool guy. We'd like to invest in your company. Your weapon to control the universe sounds super sweet... ...I must say. - It is, indeed, super sweet. Cool. What kind of sound system does it have? Uh, sound system? Well, I mean, we have an iPod Shuffle. Wait a second. You're telling me you have a machine to control the universe... ...and you can't listen to tunes in surround sound? Embarrassing. Well, I mean... ...we need to get that done. I want eight-foot speakers. Great call. Yeah, I want speakers that you can hug with your arms and your legs... ...and just feel the beat. Listen up! We need new instructions for a speaker system for the TAKOS. We'll never help. Whatever you say, boss. Then once the instructions are printed... ...Wyldstyle and I will enter the Kragle room... ...place the thing on the other thing... ...and save the universe. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I didn't draw that. Is that me exploding? Uh, I didn't mention that earlier? When you reunite the Piece with the Kragle, it might explode? No! But it might not, right? Sure, sure, sure. Let's go with that. Attention, everybody! Incoming speaker delivery! Ow! Who are you two? We are transfers from downstairs. - What? - Excuse me? Your robot voice sounds an awful lot like a human voice. Give me a break. I've never been a robot before. What do you mean? You have always been a robot! No, no, no, do not listen to her. What are your robot serial numbers? Everything is awesome No way. This is my jam. This is also my jam. Everything is awesome Everything is cool When you're part of a team - Needs great harmonies. - I don't want to sing the song. I'm not... Everything is awesome Everything is cool When you're part of a team Everything is awesome When we're living our dream Quick, let's go. Everything is awesome Hmm, I thought you didn't like that song. I don't. Mm-hm. I know you put on this tough act... ...but I don't think you're as mean as you're trying to seem. I'm not mean. What are you talking about? I'm just saying, you were all, "He's not The Special, Vitruvius. He can't possibly be The Special. This guy? Are you kidding me?" Anyways, I don't think that's you. The real you, anyway. Look, Emmet. I wanted it to be me, okay? I wanted to be The Special. And I know that sounds super mature. It's just... ...ever since I heard the prophecy, I wanted to be the One. I was right there in that construction site... ...right on top of it, and then... ...it turned out to be you. That night in the city, when you thought I was The Special... ...and you said I was talented and important... ...that was the first time anyone had ever really told me that. And it made me wanna do everything I could... ...to be the guy you were talking about. Lucy. What? That was my real name. You asked earlier, and it's... ...Lucy. I really like that name. Hey. - What are you two losers talking about? - Huh? What? Oh, nothing. Thought I'd help you guys. Left the weird cat thing to stall. Business, business, business. Numbers. - Is this working? Yes. Yay! There's Bad Cop. Oh, Danny boy, the pipes... Okay. Wait for my signal. Good luck, Emmet. Lucy. I guess this might be goodbye. I don't like goodbyes. Let's just call this: "See you later, alligator. " "See you later, alligator"? After a while, crocodile. Who's Lucy? Batman, when we get inside this room... ...there are gonna be audio sensors everywhere. We have to be really, really quiet. Don't worry, Dad, I read your dumb instructions. Stop yelling at me. Benny, what's our status with the shield? Oh, yeah, no, it's going great. It's just going great, if somebody would listen to me! Downloading latest episode ofWhere Are My Pants? Where are you getting "pants" from? You know what I want! The pipes are calling... Bad Cop. Hi, this is Lord Business'assistant. He would like you to come to his office immediately. Copy that. - Thanks. - You are welcome, sir. Hey, who is that? That's the signal... ...but the shield is still up. We'll wing it. That's a bat pun. Shh. Benny... ...disable the shield. Disable the shield. Now. Disable the shield. - Searching for Albanian restaurants. - What? No! I never once said anything...! I don't understand what you mean. Disable the shield! Benny, what's going on? Disable the shield! Come on! You are undermining me! Which phrase would you like me to underline? Disable the shield! Let me try. Be ye disabling of yon shield. Disabling shield. What? Okay, in three... ...two... ...one. Let's do this. Lucy! Lucy! No! Oh, man. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Sneaking around the corner... - Unh! - Vitruvius. I see you've accidentally wandered into my Think Tank. And by the way, I found a few of your friends. - By which I mean all of them! - Sorry! Acceptable work, Bad Cop. Thank you, sir. Robots, destroy this old man at once. Did you just call me "old"? Yeah. So what? Well, Junebug, I really prefer the word... ..."experienced"! Aha. You see, Emmet? A corrupted spirit is no match for the purity of imagina... - Ha-ha-ha! Vitruvius! No! Vitruvius. My sweet Emmet. Come closer. You must know something about the prophecy. I know, I'm doing my best... ...but I don't... The prophecy... I made it up. What? I made it up. It's not true. But that means I'm just... I'm not The Special? You must listen. What I'm about to tell you... ...will change the course of history. No. No. Hey. Not so special anymore, huh? Well, guess what. No one ever told me I was special. I never got a trophy just for showing up! I'm not some special little snowflake... ...no. But as unspecial as I am... ...you are a thousand-billion times... ...more unspecial than me. Robots, bring me the Sword of Exact Zero. Yes, Lord Business. It must be weird. One minute, you're the most special person in the universe. And the next minute, you're nobody. Oh, I have a nice spot for this in my relic room. Uh-oh! My mistake! There it goes! No! Bye-bye forever! Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do! Release the Kragle! - Computer! - Yes, sir. Set the electric shocker to 100 Mississippi. No problem. - Then terminate everyone. - Already on it. Emmet, that should give you enough time... ...to witness the first location to be Kragled. - Your hometown. - No! Bad Cop, unfortunately, I'm gonna have to leave you here to die. What? Sir. It's not personal. It's just business. Lord Business. Ciao. Beginning zapping termination... ...in 99 Mississippi... ...98 Mississippi... ...97 Mississippi... ...and so on. Attention, everyone. This is President Business. Hello. - Hi, welcome to Taco Tuesday! - Whoa. Don't worry about this big black... ...monolith thing that's blocking out the sun. What you need to worry about... ...is this question that I'm about to ask you: Who wants a taco? Yeah! I know! Tacos, tacos! We're going crazy! Yeah. All right, everyone. Act normal. Perfect. Now, everybody say "Freeze!" So I guess running around and screaming is normal. Micro-managers, commence micro-management. Commencing micro-management. What's going on? I can't move! Please, please! Won't somebody help us? Emmet, you'll think of something, right? Like you always do. Didn't you hear him? The prophecy's made-up. I'm not The Special. And to think for a moment I thought I might be. Emmet. - Who said that? I did. I am Ghost Vitruvius. Woo! Emmet, you didn't let me finish earlier. Because I died. The reason I made up the prophecy... ...was because I knew that whoever found the Piece... ...could become The Special. Because the only thing anyone needs to be special... ...is to believe that you can be. I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it's true. Look at what you did when you believed you were special. You just need to believe it some more. But how can I just decide to believe that I'm special... ...when I'm not? Because the world depends on it. Woo! Zapping termination in 35 Mississippi... What? ...34 Mississippi... ...33 Mississippi... ...32 Mississippi... ...31 Mississippi... ...30 Mississippi... ...29 Mississippi... ...28 Mississippi, 27 Mississippi... ...26 Mississippi... ...25 Mississippi... ...24 Mississippi... Emmet! What are you...? 18 Mississippi... ...17 Mississippi... Oh! ...16 Mississippi... - Lucy! ...15 Mississippi... - Wait! What are you...? Now it's your turn to be the hero. 13 Mississippi... - No! ...12 Mississippi... See you later, alligator. Don't! No, Emmet! - Aah! 7 Mississippi... ...6 Mississippi... ...5 Mississippi... ...4 Mississippi... ...3 Mississippi... ...2 Mississippi... ...1 Mississippi... ...0 Missi... Error. Termination failure. Emmet! No. He... He saved us. Well, what do we do now? There's gotta be a bright side... ...here somewhere. Does anyone have any ideas? Emmet had ideas. Arr, if only there were more people in the world like he. Maybe there are. Meet me downstairs in 10 seconds. Honey, where are my... ...pant...? - Hi! Hey, guess what. Found your pants. Series is over. Benny... ...send this out to everyone in the universe. 1980-something technology? Now you're talking! Uh... Ahem. Hey, everybody. You don't know me, but I'm on TV, so you can trust me. I know things seem kind of bad right now. But there is a way out of this. This is Emmet. And he was just like all of you. A face in the crowd... ...following the same instructions as you. He was so good at ftting in, no one ever saw him. And I owe you an apology... ...because I used to look down on people like that. "I used to think they were followers... ...with no ideas or vision. " Because it turns out Emmet had great ideas. And even though they seemed weird... ...and kind of pointless... ...they actually came closer... ...than anyone else to saving the universe. And now we have to fnish what he started... ...by making whatever weird thing pops into our heads. All of you have the ability inside of you to be a groundbreaker. And I mean literally! Break the ground! Peel up the pieces... ...tear apart your walls! Build things only you could build. Defend yourselves. We need to fght back against President Business'... ...plans to freeze us! Today will not be known as Taco Tuesday. It will be known as Freedom Friday! But still on a Tuesday! End of the line. Bad Cop? I hope there's still a Good Cop in me somewhere. I'll hold these guys off. You go stop them. Yay! Great idea, but how will we get there? T- minus one. Ten, nine, eight... ...seven, six... - I could, uh... ...fve, four... - I could build a... ...three, two, one. I could build a spaceship! You're not gonna say no? Build away, whatever your name is. - Whoa! Yay! - Ha-ha-ha! Okay. Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! All units, attack that spaceship. Spaceship! Where'd he go? Spaceship! Wyldstyle, look... ...it's the citizens! Tallyho! Yee-haw! And don't forget us MasterBuilders. What is going on? You stop... ...building that stuff! Just stop it! Greatjob! This might actually work. 'Twas your speech which roused this hearty crew. If only Emmet were here to see this. He'd say something adorable like... Am I just gonna keep... ...falling... ...forever? Is this another vision? Where am I? Is that the Office Tower? Bricksburg! What was that? No, no, no. No! Spaceship, spaceship, spaceship! - Pew! What in the world is that? It's adorable. Uh-oh. No. No. Whoa, no, no, no. Hey, don't eat me. Don't eat me. Do not eat me. Please. Hi, Emmet. Uh... Hi? Is this The Man...? The Man Upstairs? What happened? No, no, no, this is a disaster. Why...? Why...? What? What? What? Why is the dragon on top of the luxury condo development? But I was just playing... I know it's hard to understand... ...but this is Dad's stuff, okay? All of this that you see before you... ...is all your father's. And everything is thought-out very... What did you do down here? Did you take the top off of the tower? It was an accident. You accidentally... ...expertly... ...carefully took the entire top off of that tower? Yes. You know the rules. This isn't a toy. - Um, well, it kind of is. - No. Actually, it's a highly sophisticated interlocking brick system. - But we bought it at the toy store. - We did. But the way I'm using it makes it an adult thing. The box for this one said ages 8 to 14. That's a suggestion. They have to put that on there. You can't expect me to be able to resist playing with all this. You have your stuff over near the Christmas decorations. All those bricks, you can build anything you want. Finn, we're gonna play a little game. It's called: "Let's Put Everything Back the Way You Found It. " But, Dad, you don't understand. So I can make things the way they're supposed to be. Permanently. More Kragles? This rebellion ends right now. Commencing... ...micro-management. Oh, no. No! Ha, ha! Fire in the hole! Wait, what's happening? No, wait! No, we're going down! Mayday! No! Meow. Meow. Hold on, Jeff. We're coming for you! No! Stop! Oh, no! Arr, there be too many Micro-managers! What am I holding here? - It's a battleship. - No, it's a hodgepodge. That's what it is. What's Batman doing on it? What is this, a robot pirate? Dang it. Stop! Stop it! No! Stop it! Stop! You got glue all over that construction worker. Here. Give that to me. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! All of those are my friends! No, stop it! Ye were a hearty crew. But it be... It be over. No! The Piece of Resistance! I can still save them! Let's get this gunk off this construction worker. He's notjust a construction worker, Dad. He's the hero. Nope, he's not. He is a ordinary, regular... ...generic construction worker... ...and I need to put him back where he belongs. Now, where is my X-Acto knife? I gotta get the Piece of Resistance. If I could get the attention of the smaller creature... I gotta move. Where is that? Move! All right. Move! Now, I didn't move... Ow. Uh, Dad? - Yeah. I think I saw the X-Acto over there near Middle Zealand. Oh, great. Thank you. Welcome. It's up to you now, Emmet. Believe. I know that sounds like a cat poster... ...but it's true. Whoa! Sorry, street. Ho-ho! I can see everything. Ha, ha! What the heck is this? I am a MasterBuilder. Release every Micro-manager we have! Let's get him, fellas! Hey, everyone! - Emmet! - Emmet! Yay! Lucy, I'm going inside that thing. You've got it, Emmet. Take that! Ha, ha! Good night! Come here! We'll help you out, kid. Here's how we do it pirate-style! Yes! Emmet! That's it! Take him down, boys! Emmet! Stay positive. They're tearing me apart! Stay positive. Come on! Oh, forget it! You all need to be more friendly! Emmet, go! Go! Now's your... ...chance! She's right! - You can do it, me laddie! Go on, kid. Get in there! Sir, we got an intrud...! Lord Business. Back from the dead, Brickowski? Well, you're too late! Skeletrons, get him! Argh! I can't move! You see, your friends... ...oh, they're fnished! My world is almost fnished. The last thing I need to do is finish... ...you. - No, stop! Please! If you do one more thing, I'm gonna unleash my secret weapon. Your secret weapon? Yes, it's called: The Power of The Special. That sounds dumb. All right, here it comes. My secret weapon... ...is this. What is that? Is it super small? I don't see anything. It's my hand. I want you to take it. You want me to take your hand off? No, I want you to join me. Look at all of these things that people built. You might see a mess... Exactly. And a bunch of weird, dorky stuff... ...that ruined my perfectly good stuff! Okay. What I see... ...are people inspired by each other... ...and by you. People taking what you made... ...and making something new out of it. Finn, did you make all of this? The people are trying to stop President Business... ...from using the Kragle. What's the Kragle? Um, it's in there. In here? So President Business is the bad guy? Lf... If the construction guy... ...said something to President Business... ...what would he say? You... ...don't have to be... ...the bad guy. You... ...are the most talented... ...most interesting... ...and most extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things... ...because you are The Special. And so am I. And so is everyone. The prophecy is made-up... ...but it's also true. It's about all of us. Right now, it's about you. And you... ...still... ...can change everything. Oh, we got a hugger. Be careful. I have been told it might explode. Phew. Emmet, thank you. And I just want you to know, from the bottom of my heart... ...from this moment forward... ...I solemnly promise that I will never... Emmet! Hey, everyone! Is everyone okay? Where's Lucy? Emmet! Lucy! We did it. Oh. Uh, Emmet, wait. Batman, there's something I need to say to you. No. Wyldstyle... I mean... ...Lucy. He's the hero you deserve. Uh... - Thanks, Batman. I liked Emmet before it was cool. Whoops, I have the antidote for the Kragle. How did that happen? Yay! - De-Kragler. Watch this. - Yay! - Oh, Mommy, Daddy. You're okay! - Oh, son! - Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. We're okay, son. Ha, ha. Guys, time to come up for dinner. It's Taco Tuesday, your favorite. - Okay, honey. We'll be up in a sec. - Yeah, we'll be up in a sec! - I gotta tell you something. What? Now that I'm letting you come down here and play... ...guess who else gets to come down here and play? - Who? - Your sister. What? Well, things sure have a way of working out smoothly. Am I right, guys? What? We're from the Planet Duplon. We are here to destroy you. Oh, man. Yes, this is real music. Dark, brooding... ...important... ...groundbreaking. Check out the lyrics. Darkness No parents Continued darkness More darkness. Get it? The opposite of light Black hole Curtains drawn In the basement Middle of the night Blacked-out windows Other places that are dark Black suit Black coffee You get it. That's just the frst verse. Darkness No parents Super rich Kind of makes it better Everything is awesome Everything is... Oh, hey. God, I still can't get that song out of my head. It's truly amazing how many LEGO fans there are around the world... ...who love to create short films using LEGO bricks. The filmmakers of The LEGO Movie, Chris and Phil... ...thought it would be fun to challenge the ReBrick community... That's LEGO's official social media platform. - To come up with an original brick film between 15 and 30 seconds... ...with the winning entry being featured during The LEGO Movie. How cool is that? Look at all these things that people built. Just to make it a bit more challenging, entries had to incorporate the theme... ...of a LEGO mini figure changing up their environment to fight off a bad guy. Well, the ReBrick community went to work and created some really fun... ...and really incredible mini movies entirely made out of LEGO bricks. We're giving you the opportunity to see some of the top entries... ...along with the winning submissions. So be ready to be blown away by LEGO awesomeness. Roll it. Awesome